I support education and medical care for our employees and wonderful young Guatemala families we work with through our business AtitlanArts (dot) com, and we help provide more scholarships through MayanFamilies (dot) org. Every time my heart breaks or bleeds from yet another non-response rejection from my own “flesh and blood,” I send more money down to deserving and respectful people who don’t have a chance in this world without outsiders like us donating to help them through school.
Whenever I think I must be “the worst mother in the world,” I realize how much I mean to others in a third world country who live in the poorest countries in the world, living on $1.00 or $2.00 a DAY. And how easy it is for me to do something positive to help them. That’s when I realize that I don’t have to subjugate myself and flagellate myself every day of my life because I somehow raised a son who hates me.
Why he rejects me and blames me for everything that is wrong in his life is beyond me, but to see that I still have value and can make positive contributions to the world heals the hurt I feel inside.
Take a look at Mayan Families (dot) org. They operate in the same village where I have lived in Panajachel, Guatemala, Central America, where we have our business working with the indigenous artisans around lovely Lake Atitlan, and you will see just how much good you can do in the world. Or if you’ve a mind to stay closer to home, there’s LOTS of mentoring programs or at-risk kids in the U.S. who would give their eye teeth for “someone who cared.” There’s plenty of orphanages in the U.S. and other countries for children who would give their eye-teeth for anyone who would love and care for them. It puts the selfish ones to shame. And it can help mend many a broken heart this way. It’s *almost* a blessing that we end up with a bit of extra love and money to give to others who have absolutely no chance in this world, and they don’t owe us a dime.
I don’t know what makes some children reject their parents, just like some mothers reject their child. But I know there are plenty of children or young adults who could use a helping hand, and every time my heart breaks I help another one. They don’t “need” to do anything in return, but it brings me peace to know I can do something good for others in this world. It took me years to come to this place, but so far, it’s the one thing that works.
Be of service and ask God to show us The Way. I still ask myself “Why?” on occasion, but I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. It’s almost a blessing that I can do good somewhere else where it’s needed. And these people have nothing but good thoughts and thanks to offer to the foreigners who helped them when only God could answer their prayers. What better way than this? Give to those who want and need it, and still feel the love in my heart that I have for my son, no mater what he has – or doesn’t have – for me. It’s a blessing both ways. When I realized that I did not have to deny the love I have in my heart for my only child just because he had no love for me, it was a dam bursting wide open. All the pent up love I had for so many years came rushing forth, and now I let myself feel those feelings when he was small, and how much love and care I had for him “before the bad times came.” I don’t know why things shifted into darkness, but it’s not like that with everyone in the world and it’s time for me to stand in the light. In the Light of Love.
I don’t go to church, but I am starting to understand how God can “love us no matter how we’ve sinned, despite all of our curses and sorrows.” God IS love and will love us no matter what. It’s the same way with my child. He may hate and reject me now, but I loved him then and I love him now. If he wishes nothing to do with me, that is his decision. It’s sad but there are others who would gladly take his place. It’s like a divorce with a beloved husband. If they say they are through, it’s over, there’s nothing you can do. But someone else can take their place and a happy home can still be found. That was such a novel idea to me! But it’s true.
I thought of all the husbands who abandon their families and start new families with someone else, and thought “Well, why not me? I could have a “new family” somewhere else, too.” And now I do. Home is where the heart is. And now my home is there. Home is anywhere, with people who care.
“The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails.”
Dear God please show us The Way.
Another Sad Mom 