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Saturday, 30 July 2016
I’m glad that my contacting you has shown you that you weren’t the only one.
The best thing you can take from this is that it wasn’t you.
It never was you.
As you have already seen,
there will always be someone else who will anger them.
It doesn’t take much.
Be very glad that you are no longer involved with that group.
I am so relieved that I now know what I know.
The way I was treated was actually a gift.
I can put them behind me and walk on.
Away from dysfunction and towards real help.
I have learned to be very sure of who I am taking advice from.
I do believe that God put this in my path for a lesson
and I’m going to take it as that and learn from it.
I’m going to stop focusing on things I can’t change
and people who don’t want me in their lives.
I’m sure there will be more visitors and comments left on your site
by others who will have been badly treated by them.
They are the ones I feel sorry for.
Hopefully God will steer them away from there and to real help.
And hopefully they also find your site.
Glad you’re doing well. I’ll be peeking in from time to time.
If for no other reason than to see the sheer number of visitors
you have by exposing the truth.
Best Wishes & God Bless,
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NOTES & THOUGHTS:
I received this email yesterday, with permission to post it.
I had no idea that so many people had been brutalized by some of the admins on the P.E.A.C.E. site for estranged parents, as I too was. Talk about a dichotomy, even when it comes to their name. The best (Silver Lining) to come out of my own very difficult experience with the admins on the estranged parents “PEACE” site was to learn “it’s not always all my fault,” and that I have no power to “fix things” if they don’t want to be fixed. That means relationships or anything else that has to do with Human Nature.
That’s the one (Silver Lining) in all of this for me, and the comments (published and unpublished) I have received on this small blog has been so helpful. I’m hoping that anyone else coming here can get the support I have received, which is why I have created this blog. It’s so similar to the estrangement I experienced with certain members of my family of origin, coming to light with the destructive admins on the PEACE site.
People letting me know I am not “the crazy one” and it “wasn’t my fault” was so helpful, as this was something I was raised to believe that NO MATTER WHAT, it was ALWAYS MY FAULT.
I am also learning to believe the Alanon saying:
Remember The Three Cs:
I didn’t Cause it. I can’t Cure it. I can’t Control it.
Sometimes, no matter what I personally do or how hard I try, some people are never going to WANT peace, much less try to make it. They will reject all overtures for resolution, preferring to stay in their wrestler’s corner ready to “take on all comers.” They will never give up once they have you in their sights. (NoMoreDramaMom, IGaveUpNowWhat and the founder CC in particular).
It’s sad when communication breaks down, and lack of communication and understanding turns into anger, fear, hurt, rejection and ultimately hatred. This is just what we as estranged parents have experienced with our adult children in the first place, whether it came from a perceived lack of communication with us, or the other way around.
I hope whenever my own situation is ready to be resolved (it takes TWO for resolution to be achieved; I can’t do it alone), that I am able to truly “listen,” especially now since it has been driven home as to what happens when people DON’T listen or give someone an opportunity to say they are sorry or even explain.
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I have posted the heartfelt letter I received posted in full, from someone who was banned with no explanation from the P.E.A.C.E. site, and also given no way to “make amends” or even understand what the problem was.
With people like these disordered admins on these toxic forums, there is no way to offer to try and make things right or bring things back into balance. It’s “off with their heads” and that’s the end of it. This is a very sick forum.
Their refusal to do this is a sure sign of severe Mental Illness and Personality Disorders. It’s *almost* sad, except that those individuals make no effort to get help or even try, so what can we do? Nothing. What should we do? Leave them alone to stew in their own juices, and to find other people to be angry at or fight with. It doesn’t have to be me.
How do families live with this kind of crazy-making behavior, day in and day out? I don’t know, except going “No Contact” in order to protect oneself from toxic situations from that point forward.
I now give those people wide berth, and am glad for it.
This doesn’t mean we don’t grieve for our lost relationships and “what might have been,” but I have had to learn that we can’t control other people. Only they can. And if they decide “NO” they are “right and you are wrong,” there is no changing their mind.
I don’t know what it might take to get them to see how destructive their behavior is, but it’s not my job to try to fix things, since I can’t “fix” anyone else.
I can only work on fixing and understanding myself. That is where my focus and energy must lie.
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I have posted this email with no identifying information, just as I received it, and a pseudonym of “Linda.”
Thanks again to the author, letting me know I “wasn’t the only one.” All this time I have been asking myself “what did I do wrong? Why couldn’t this situation have been resolved? Why did it turn into such a hotbed of conflict and contention? How could this have happened on a site that professes to offer PEACE and SAFETY, when the exact opposite occurs?”
This letter I received is so well written. Really helps to put my heart a bit more at rest, and I hope it does yours, too. This is for anyone who has been blindsided like so many of us were, either by the PEACE site for estranged parents forum, or by an estranged adult child.
I hope this helps a bit in trying to understand “why.”
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Gracias, amiga. Bendiciones.
“The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails.”
Dear God please show us The Way.
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