Silver Linings, Part I
I have learned a couple of very important things. Just one thing, really, in the last 10 years.
How other people might feel about me is not the most important thing.
How I feel about them is what matters. How I feel about myself is what matters. They matter, and I matter too. They don’t define “me.” Despite being blamed for everything they did, I am defined by my actions, not theirs.
What can be more IMPORTANT than this? We are responsible for our actions. They are responsible for theirs. What a novel – and true – idea!
I can love someone even if they don’t love me back. I also don’t have to suffer for them. I don’t have to try and “prove” myself to them or prove my love for them either. I can ask for and receive respect and offer the same. Love is something you can’t really ask for; it’s freely given or it’s not. And it’s “all good” regardless of how they behave. Love can do that sometimes. We can continue to “love them from a distance” if that is all we are allowed to do, but we will love them none-the-less. Nothing can kill ever-lasting love.
I love my son, always have and always will. That’s what is important here… not how angry he is at me, not how rejecting he might be of me, not how cruel or hurtful he or my own family has been towards me.
All things can change in an instant, and what really matters is the love (or lack of) we hold in our heart towards those people, events or situations that come into (and out of) our life.
I will always remember fondly the best memories I have of me and my son and how much I loved him in all those moments, and how I love him still. How else could it be?
How he feels about me are HIS feelings, not mine. My feelings are what count when I am thinking of him, and once I have given up the mantle of shame and blame, the love I have for him comes rushing through. It’s like a dam that cracks with the water overflowing, having been held up for so long. God’s grace has led me to this and I have prayed every day for ten long years. I never thought this day would come, but it’s true and even if I don’t hear from him for the rest of my life, my feelings for him will never change. That’s a given. It’s a rare mother that can cut their child out of their own heart, and I am not such a mother.
I chose to have and keep my son no matter what, and nothing would stand in my way. Not even this long distance that has come between us. Maybe he doesn’t love me, but I still love him. No matter what. Nothing can change that, and I thank God for the gift of real love that asks for nothing but gives like the air we breathe, and the “lilies of the field.” I ask the grace of God to shine on us all and bring peace into the hearts of everyone caught in conflict, and bring resolution as quick as they can.
I have learned that I am not “how someone else feels,” but how I feel. I count too. If I am a good person but another person dislikes me, blames me or decides to cut me off, it doesn’t mean that I am defective, or I “don’t deserve to live” or that I am such a “horrible person I deserve to die.” None of that. It means I will “love them from a distance,” because love never dies.
It means they are angry or hurt and don’t or won’t talk about it, and that is their prerogative. Everyone has a choice as to what they do in this world. They don’t have to talk to me. I can “talk” to them in my thoughts, hopes and dreams, and I can ask God to bring resolution into their hearts and mine.
That’s all that matters & that’s all that matters. Our feelings create our spiritual world. The spiritual world is a world of feeling, and how we feel is heaven or hell.
I ask God to grant me peace in all things. I try to use Prayer and Meditation to solve all problems and heal all wounds. Prayer and Meditation, feeling the love that I hold in my heart, no matter what, and remembering the good times (in the midst of the bad), are all the balm I need.
“The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails.”
Dear God please show me The Way. Show us The Way.
June 13, 2016, 230 hits