This whole discussion came about after a couple of comments that came in after “Mirror Mirror on the Wall…(who is the most hateful of them all?)” I thought it was important enough to go ahead and make this into a whole ‘nother post. Here goes:
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I wrote: Thanks to Juansen Dizon for their great comment:
“You should go see what they’re up to. Maybe you’ll like their blog as much as they liked yours!”
Then came a very heartfelt comment from Sarah:
“Please, don’t go and see what they’re up to. You are better than that!
Walk in the light, lead by example and show the many that scorn you as full of hatred, that you are instead, full of His goodness and taking the high road.
You seem like a nice person who has let a small rejection take hold and fester. Don’t wish them ill, don’t wish them anything. Remove them from your thoughts and let God show you that the way is through love not hate.
When you write about God, you write so beautifully. I pray that one day there will be no essence of them on your site. It will be full of only love, praise for Him and messages of the good work you do.
I send you blessings and I pray for you daily with love and light.”
Thank you Sarah.
I was thinking the same thing, that it wouldn’t be of any benefit to “go to their site” to see what more hatred and ire they are writing about me. I got enough of that when I was a member of their site, and the hate mail campaign they subjected me to afterwards. I still get enough of hate mail from the comments they leave on this blog (which I don’t have to publish, and I don’t. Hahahaha! Now THAT’S a good feeling!)
I was thinking the same thing, however, that there is a (Silver Lining) in all of this, as it is leading me closer to God, and to understanding what true “forgiveness” is. It’s not accepting bad behavior, but it’s also not retaliating against them. It’s putting it in God’s Hands to “heal these wounds.” And set me free from pain, shame, guilt and sorrow.
“You seem like a nice person who has let a small rejection take hold and fester.”
That’s the only thing I might disagree with you about. What happened was not a “small rejection.” It was a sustained attack that lasted weeks, by a group of hateful people who ganged up on me in public and in private. I had to finally threaten them with legal and criminal action to make them stop. Harassing people and sending hate mail and threats is now against the law. Thank God for all favors, large and small.
You have no idea how many wounds this group subjected me to, and as is often the case, writing it all out” is one of the best roads to healing, whenever trauma has occurred. I won’t pretend that this event did not take place, nor will I keep silent allowing them to do this to others. My words and experience can be a warning to others to “enter at their own risk” and know what to expect. If they have a good experience, fine, if not, they will at least know they weren’t the only one, and it is truly “not their fault.” A bad experience for one can be of benefit to many!
I was blasted on their website, branded, “tarred and feathered” with the cruelest things said about me – who they never even knew – inundated with hate mail and even a call from one admin (Sue, aka IGaveUpNowWhat) for them all to get together and “destroy my business.” And sending me daily emails threatening me for weeks at a time. This is hardly a “small rejection.” I’m not sure where you got that idea. If I wrote something that gave you that impression, I need to correct it immediately!
We work with indigenous Mayan Indians for the past ten years and every cent we make in profit goes back to them. We have taken no wages in all these years and I have spent my own personal savings helping the artisans we work with when their family does not have enough, when the children need shoes and school books and the wives or husband need medical care. We have been able to create jobs, open sales markets in the United States, pay better than “Fair Wages,” provide higher education and medical expenses for some of the poorest people in the world. And this is the “business” this group of estranged parents are going to destroy?
It took this last act of hatred and vengeance for me to tell them I would go to the police and they would be identified by their IP addresses which can easily be traced. That put a temporary stop to their ongoing, daily attacks and email threats. I was mobbed by this group, for quite a long time, so it wasn’t a “small rejection” by any means.
Trivializing trauma doesn’t help at all.
Please don’t assume things that “aren’t in evidence,” and suggest that keeping silent is a “better way.” It’s really not and it only allows bad behavior to continue. If everyone kept silent, how would anything change? What protections would any of us have from bullies, tyrants, violent abusers and more? Do you not think that people should be warned? I feel it is an obligation we have to protect others. At least they will have an idea of what they may be “walking into.”
“Beware” is something that we put on toxic, dangerous chemicals. Should we not put it on toxic, dangerous websites?
You also wrote:
“When you write about God, you write so beautifully. I pray that one day there will be no essence of them on your site. It will be full of only love, praise for Him and messages of the good work you do.”
I think that is very sweet of you to say this; it’s truly very nice. I don’t believe that God does not want us to speak the truth about our experiences, feelings and observations. I don’t think God is only “love and light.” God knows the Dark Side exists and mentions it Himself in the Bible repeatedly. He doesn’t pretend that it isn’t just as real as love. If people cannot express their real feelings, they cannot process them and actually heal. The beauty of healing is seeing the wounds cover over and greater wisdom appear. I think I should post this as another post and later on I will. Thank you for making me realize all this.
And here is another BIG “however:” I believe it is important for people to know who they are dealing with, and when or if they too are attacked and banned, it’s such a huge shock that if there wasn’t a notice online about who these people are, and what they do and how dangerous they can be, others may be damaged the same way I was. Until I found out from other survivors of their onslaught, I had no idea that it wasn’t “only me.” Their stories help me overcome the shock and trauma these people had put me through. Before I heard from others, I kept wondering “what did I do wrong? How could this have happened?”
Once I knew this was these admins “modus operandi,” I could rest much easier at night, and help protect others from the same kind of trauma and distress.
Your comment is the same as telling a rape or assault victim to “not speak about it,” “keep silent,” and have “no essence of them on your site.” What good will that do? It isn’t the TRUTH, and the TRUTH counts. Every experience counts, and when “vinegar is turned into wine” we know transformation has occurred. That’s the miracle and (Silver Lining) in all this.
So I can’t agree with removing all traces of what these people did and the effect it had on me, and the healing process I have had to go through which is beneficial in the end. That’s the beauty of the healing process. The scars they leave tell a story of life and of love, or bitterness and regret. I love the process of turning lemons into lemonade, and that is what happens when we write it all out, and get justification from others. Not more urgings to remove oneself from one’s true feelings. Feelings must be honored, no matter what they are. And that is what this blog is doing for me. As well as the public service of protecting others, since there is no Better Business Bureau with ratings for blogs!
Trauma victims and survivors of attacks are OBLIGATED to speak out about it, in order for themselves to heal, and to warn and protect others. Joining sites like this that offer “safety, comfort, healing and support” and are actually the exact opposite of that need to be exposed for what they are. People who go there (including myself) who are in a very fragile state might not make it through the rejection, banning, assault and attacks that can transpire.
Warnings like this ARE important. If videos can have a warning about “flashing lights” because some people might have an adverse reaction, should we also post warnings about toxic websites run by toxic and severely disordered aministrators? There are more and more of them online, and something needs to be done about it.
The P.E.A.C.E. site for estranged parents is a very sick forum, and you may well not find out until it’s too late.
Prayer goes a long way in healing, but silence doesn’t. It’s both together that I think makes for a more harmonious, peaceful and JUST world.
“When you write about God, you write so beautifully.” Thank you! I was attacked severely on the P.E.A.C.E. site just for mentioning “meditation and prayer” and closing with my favorite quote. It was as if it were the Devil himself going after me over there. It actually made me hesitant (for a little while) to use my own favorite quote and reminder that means so much, which I will close with today, and thank you again for your kind and heartfelt words. They mean a LOT to me right now!
“The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails.”
Dear God please show us The Way,
and “Put it in God’s Hands.”