Good grief… 1,739 hits on this tiny blog!

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Every time I come back to delete this blog, I find over 100 hits per month. Guess I better keep it up as a warning at least to other unsuspecting individuals, looking for answers and solutions to a heart-rending situation.

This time it’s over 200 more hits in two months. Incredible.

18 hits just yesterday. Total 1,739 hits so far.

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I have come so far personally to be able to accept and understand that some people need “time to be alone” to come to their senses, or to see things with a different eye, or even hold fast to whatever injuries or anger that bind them.

 

Yet I can still feel the love and acceptance and caring that I have for him that will never end. I also realized that the love binds a mother to a son, regardless of the acceptance or rejection from the child you have carried, born and cared for all their life, that too never ends. At least not for me.

Any divorce or cutting of the cord is never easy and never will be, but a mother’s love will never die. Most mothers, that is, and at least a mother who had love to give, to begin with. I know what it’s like to NOT have a mother’s love and I swore I would NEVER be that way, and I haven’t and I won’t. I will always be ready to accept him back with open arms, should he decide to come back our way.

I will always wish the best for my son and his family, whichever or however he chooses to live his life. Grace be upon him and God keep him in His care.

 

Time has not lessened the desire to have reconciliation and apologies offered, and hopes for positive relationships, but until both sides want this nothing can be achieved. But hope keeps us alive and one day, in this world or the next, I hope to see this achieved. No forgiveness is required from my end since I firmly believe that everyone has the right to choose how they wish to live and who they wish to live with. But love is always waiting and ready to be shared.

 

Gracias, Amen.

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Oh, My: 1,569 hits on this tiny blog !

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Almost 100 more hits, in less than a month! Where do people find the time or inclination to follow my little blog about a terrible experience on a site that was supposed to help and support those with estranged adult children? When the “administrators” estrange the community members?

I guess coming here gives them something to do. It’s give me a sense of power that I never knew before, as I can tell the truth about my own experience, warning others who are in the same extremely fragile state I was in, and recognize the reality of dealing with disordered individuals.

I can see it all in “black and white,” without threats of physical violence since all they can do is type out words and I have been able to track the IP addresses of the worst ones so they will be taken care of if they get out of hand.

It’s a sense of “power to protect” that I never had growing up as a child, and I can see so much of the disordered adults that were round me in them. And now, telling my truth, I find I am free and no longer harmed especially when support comes from unexpected sources to let me know it’s not me… it’s them. It’s THEIR BEHAVIOR that we are dealing with, pure and simple. And I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I’m can’t cure it.

I am NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. I am NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR.

I am RESPONSIBLE FOR ME, MY SELF AND I. And as long as I can behave in a way that I can be proud of that helps other people, that does not lash out at other people, that finds a way for everyone to come to understanding and come out ahead, ALL WILL BE WELL.

And for those who do NOT wish to behave the way I do, then they can be gone. I can walk away, move away, step aside, divert my attention, give them wide berth and just let go. I don’t have to try to explain and wish they would “undertand” when they DO NOT WANT TO. All this suffering just for me to FINALLY UNDERSTAND that “it’s them, not me.”

Some people just want to HAVE THEIR OWN WAY, pure and simple. And there is nothing you can do. And “that’s that.”

And by blocking, not approving, stepping aside, ALL WILL BE WELL, and it HAS BEEN.

I intend to keep it that way.

Gracias, Amen.

Where did the post & comment(s) go?

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Shoot! I just read a comment from an online friend who has given me quite a bit of support when these shots and arrows have come… but it seems to have disappeared. It was from “Jannelle” I think or a spelling like that – my memory is so bad, she may have simply mentioned this name, but I hope she knows who she is. It was a wonderful comment that meant a lot to me. In any event, feel free to come back!

I hardly ever post here anymore, and didn’t even see the comment that was left from you that I approved, and I replied but can’t find any of it now. Hope you kept a copy somewhere! And thanks for the support. It’s always needed and such a good reminder that when people are hostile and mean, it’s NOT MY FAULT.

No, it’s THEIR BEHAVIOR and all I can do is step away and pray for them and pray for me, and FIRST & FOREMOST PROTECT MYSELF. Just by moving out of range and giving them wide berth, all will be well. They will find someone else to try to torture and play with using their weird and cruel mind games and just calling names. It’s sick and it’s sorry but I don’t have to be a part of it. I can just step away and still stand up for myself – hence this blog! But I will be laughing from the sidelines, happy and free.

That’s really the best feeling in the world, isn’t it?

To finally know IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT WHEN PEOPLE MISBEHAVE!

Just read some of the comments for my blog… (these might be old comments, I don’t know…)

My goodness! I didn’t realize that some of the lunatics from the P.E.A.C.E. site were stalking my small blog. You wouldn’t believe the name calling, ranting and raving, calling  me “hateful and spiteful” because “they have never had any trouble with this group” and on and on and on. I actually *almost* had to laugh. As if their experience has anything to do with mine. We are seeing Mental Illness in person. But it’s not funny in the least. In these cases, it’s spiteful and cruel and oh-so-damaging. I feel sorry for the adult children and other family members that have to do with people like this for the rest of their lives. No wonder “no contact” is sometimes the only way to go.

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Thank God I approve all comments and I don’t approve any. Except this one because it is so funny! Thanks to bp74, below…

bp74 commented on P.E.A.C.E site Founder on Daily Strength

Just in case you have a problem on this site as I unfortunately did, and cannot get any help you may want to contact Daily …

Sorry, Catherine, but I’ve gotten into it on the new DS with Sue, aka igaveupnowwhat, and they seem to think I’m you!. Boy, they sure don’t like to be exposed, do they?

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bp74, Thank you for your comment – I just now saw it! Sorry it took me so long. I had to laugh when you wrote and said that “they seem to think I am you!”

So changing the site hasn’t changed anything at all. Different horse, same riders. What a shame for everyone coming there looking for real help. The treatment they may receive could cause someone to commit suicide one day; that’s how dangerous these people really are.

IGaveUpNowWhat seems to be a raving bipolar lunatic, along with some of the other admins. Why people allow bullies like those admins to run the show is beyond me.

The founder is one of the worst, since he pretends to “be in charge” when in fact he is something akin to a garbage collector and has no power or control at all. Just over this lunacy group. It’s no wonder some of them are estranged from every single family member and adult children… can you imagine having to live with this every single day?

The P.E.A.C.E. site is scary because it’s run by crazies like that. You should see some of the hateful comments I have been getting, which I do not publish. That must burn them up! Why are they wasting time telling me off, someone they have never met, don’t know, and never will? Why do they care so much?

I don’t usually publish any comments, just to protect people and myself, even though this one I will publish. It needs to be known. These people need to be exposed for what they are and how dangerous and destructive their group is, especially to people who are hurting and want resolution and looking for help.

I think I will post MY response tonight as another entry on the blog [and here it is].

Thanks for letting me know I’m not the crazy one. You should see the hate mail I’ve been getting via comments they are leaving, which I don’t publish which then makes them even angrier. It’s a wild world they live in; sounds like the depths of hell. I *almost* feel sorry for them, but then I don’t.

Thanks again, Catherine Todd

April 2017 ~ 1,489 hits hits on this site

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Who in the world is coming here? It’s just unbelievable, really.

But it shows me the damage and havoc that can be caused by mental illness and severe personality disorders. Glad I blocked (most) comments until they are approved.

It’s amazing the lengths people will go to when they have nothing better to do.

I came here thinking I might delete this whole WordPress blog, but since *someone* or *somethings* seem to find it so interesting, I’ll keep it for now. Glad I have an IP tracker installed. Now I might have to invest in finding actual locations for those IP addresses. LOL.

The one thing I learned from dealing with people from certain sites is that “you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t fix it.” Better to just give them wide berth and STAY AWAY. Let them fight amongst themselves. You ~ and I ~ just don’t need to be involved.

And peace will reign once again. Thanks be to God and keep ’em coming.

A broken heart never really heals, but I’m not so sad anymore. And it only took ten years to accept that some things won’t ever change.

Gracias, Amen.

November Hits on this site

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Now we’re up to

  • 956 hits

How can this be? Who in the world would be finding and looking at this little blog? Looking at statistics and IP addresses and locations, and it’s quite remarkable. Well, one day there will be no “anonymity” on the internet. Right now we can at least identify trolls when we need to, but luckily so far, no one is bothering this blog anymore. No comments allowed, though, based on “past performances.” LOL.

Home is Where the Heart Is…

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I support education and medical care for our employees and wonderful young Guatemala families we work with through our business AtitlanArts (dot) com, and we help provide more scholarships through MayanFamilies (dot) org. Every time my heart breaks or bleeds from yet another non-response rejection from my own “flesh and blood,” I send more money down to deserving and respectful people who don’t have a chance in this world without outsiders like us donating to help them through school.

 

Whenever I think I must be “the worst mother in the world,” I realize how much I mean to others in a third world country who live in the poorest countries in the world, living on $1.00 or $2.00 a DAY. And how easy it is for me to do something positive to help them. That’s when I realize that I don’t have to subjugate myself and flagellate myself every day of my life because I somehow raised a son who hates me.

 

Why he rejects me and blames me for everything that is wrong in his life is beyond me, but to see that I still have value and can make positive contributions to the world heals the hurt I feel inside.

 

Take a look at Mayan Families (dot) org. They operate in the same village where I have lived in Panajachel, Guatemala, Central America, where we have our business working with the indigenous artisans around lovely Lake Atitlan, and you will see just how much good you can do in the world. Or if you’ve a mind to stay closer to home, there’s LOTS of mentoring programs or at-risk kids in the U.S. who would give their eye teeth for “someone who cared.” There’s plenty of orphanages in the U.S. and other countries for children who would give their eye-teeth for anyone who would love and care for them. It puts the selfish ones to shame. And it can help mend many a broken heart this way. It’s *almost* a blessing that we end up with a bit of extra love and money to give to others who have absolutely no chance in this world, and they don’t owe us a dime.

 

I don’t know what makes some children reject their parents, just like some mothers reject their child. But I know there are plenty of children or young adults who could use a helping hand, and every time my heart breaks I help another one. They don’t “need” to do anything in return, but it brings me peace to know I can do something good for others in this world. It took me years to come to this place, but so far, it’s the one thing that works.

 

Be of service and ask God to show us The Way. I still ask myself “Why?” on occasion, but I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. It’s almost a blessing that I can do good somewhere else where it’s needed. And these people have nothing but good thoughts and thanks to offer to the foreigners who helped them when only God could answer their prayers. What better way than this? Give to those who want and need it, and still feel the love in my heart that I have for my son, no mater what he has – or doesn’t have – for me. It’s a blessing both ways. When I realized that I did not have to deny the love I have in my heart for my only child just because he had no love for me, it was a dam bursting wide open. All the pent up love I had for so many years came rushing forth, and now I let myself feel those feelings when he was small, and how much love and care I had for him “before the bad times came.” I don’t know why things shifted into darkness, but it’s not like that with everyone in the world and it’s time for me to stand in the light. In the Light of Love.

 

I don’t go to church, but I am starting to understand how God can “love us no matter how we’ve sinned, despite all of our curses and sorrows.” God IS love and will love us no matter what. It’s the same way with my child. He may hate and reject me now, but I loved him then and I love him now. If he wishes nothing to do with me, that is his decision. It’s sad but there are others who would gladly take his place. It’s like a divorce with a beloved husband. If they say they are through, it’s over, there’s nothing you can do. But someone else can take their place and a happy home can still be found. That was such a novel idea to me! But it’s true.

 

I thought of all the husbands who abandon their families and start new families with someone else, and thought “Well, why not me? I could have a “new family” somewhere else, too.” And now I do. Home is where the heart is. And now my home is there. Home is anywhere, with people who care.

 

“The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails.”

Dear God please show us The Way.

How Is Everything? & News from North Carolina

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Sat, Oct 22, 2016 at 1:09 PM
Dear […]
Seems like silence has descended after a flood of emails… How’s everything going?
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How are you and your family? We’re doing well. My husband is retired but doing so much freelance photography at […] that it’s as if he’s still working there! He even uses his old office space to edit photos and transfer images to their website. LOL!
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The only, and BIG, difference is that he can pick and choose the shoots now, so he’s actually getting some rest in between. He’s photographing […] today.
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I swear, if I had it to do over (and it had been possible), I would have studied law. I would even now love to help with legal research for human and civil rights. Since my mind and fingers seem to be improving a bit perhaps one day I will be able to.
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I’ll be glad when this election is over. Can’t wait, in fact. I feel like I can’t “breathe” until I know the outcome.
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We’ve been waiting for the weather to be just right to start putting in our LONG driveway on our “ten acres and a pond,” and will hopefully be moving our little green house in the Spring. Attached “before” and “after” photos of the pond and our little house which I just love. So clean and cozy, which sunlight pouring into each and every room at different times of day. The “after” pond picture is Swan Lake, in Lynchburg VA. I’ll be landscaping our pond to match almost exactly. Deer provided free. And a real Great Blue Heron awaits at the pond already.
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Wondering if we can make a summer camp for kids out there, or artists retreat, or something community-minded. I love doing projects like this, just like when I used to build city and county parks. I think this ten acres will be just the same and a wonderful project to work on a little at a time year after year after year. Can’t wait, really!
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I’m still working with real estate and land development here and in Guatemala, as well as the indigenous Mayans and our new Higher Education Fund that I have very high hopes for. We’ve got 12 student scholarships right now for the next two years, and if all goes well and according to plan, I will continue to fund this program for another two years, and another, and another… so everything is “coming up roses.” But it’s a lot of acorns being planted right now and it takes time for big trees to develop, so I will of course have to “wait and see.” With bated breath sometimes.
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You’d never guess I’m still sick in bed so much of the time. But at least my mind and fingers are “coming back.” Bah! to Chronic Fatigue / Lyme / Fibromyalgia. I’m not going to let it get me down!
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And you? And your loved ones?
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CT
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PS: I added a bunch of my other favorite photos; you’ve probably seen them, but not sure so I sent them anyway.


“The winds of grace blow all the time. All we need do is set our sails.”
7 attachments
1. Ten Acres & a Pond. Hight Rd, Oxford NC. BEFORE *.jpg
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2. Swan Lake, Pond in Lynchburg VA. AFTER ***.png
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3. Fountain In My Garden, Catherine Todd, 2009.jpg
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4. Lilies in my garden *golden* multiple.jpg
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5. Lute Player.jpg
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Little Green House, Oxford NC.jpg
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Impatiens in our garden with Great Blue Heron.jpg
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I think I reopened this blog…

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  • It’s at • 920 hits, so at least now I will see if the mosquitos and wasps have returned.

I hope not, but if they do, we have bug spray and a fly swatter! Just like when Beyonce’s group decides to pounce. Hah!

I hope not, as I’d like to be able to maintain this blog in peace, about my own experiences. They go their way and I go mine. But sometimes people don’t want to do that; they want to control everything in the conversation. They want to promote a false front to the world.

Well, that won’t happen here. This is my blog and my face and my experience and that all comes to create my experience. Mine, not yours. So stay on your side of the street and I’ll stay on mine.

Adios! And I’m still here. And once again, I am asking you negative entities, to LEAVE ME ALONE. It’s too much fun to fight back and you really don’t want to tangle with me again.

I’m back and wondering if I closed this blog…

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… I gave it a try while I was gone, but I’m new to WordPress so not sure I did. Now I hope this blog is back online.

 

I never fail to be amazed at how defensive, hostile and threatening some people become the minute they think they are being exposed to the TRUTH about who and what they are, even when it comes to posting their own comments and threats IN THEIR OWN WORDS online. If they make them privately, why shouldn’t they want them to be publicly known?

 

What is the difference to them?

 

I thought the Devil was proud of who and what he/she is and how he/she behaves. Or are these people too irrational for that?

 

The truth always comes out, sooner or later. With some master manipulators it can take longer than others, but eventually even they will fail to hide their black and darkened soul and all sides of one’s personality will show. What do they think they will gain by attempting a coverup of their sinful faults and cruelty to the world? Eventually everyone will see through them, so why try to hide it?

If you want to have followers, why not try to change one’s own behavior the teeniest tinyest bit to give people REASON to love you?

I don’t try to hide my faults; how can I? I’m not perfect but I am truthful.

It’s enough for me.

How about you?

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I would suggest stop attacking me on my blog and tend to your own. That should be enough for anyone. I hope it is for you. Life would be easier if we each stayed in our own backyard. But bullies have to realize that one day someone is going to stand up to you, and that someone is me. And whoever else has finally “had enough” to say STOP. ENOUGH.

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THIS ENDS NOW

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