Here’s a letter I wrote to someone who had been referred to the toxic P.E.A.C.E. site on Daily Strength. I sill pray every day for our wounds to be healed and for my son to succeed in all the things he wants in his life. Thanks be to God for another day I have survived.
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Dear Patsy, I would just want to add a note of caution: Avoid the Parents of Estranged Adult Children Everywhere (P.E.A.C.E.) site on Daily Strength at all costs. There are some vicious moderators there – in particular “IGaveUpNowWhat” (Sue) and “NoMoreDramaMom” who start out sweet as can be, but will turn on members they suddenly “don’t like” for whatever reason, or if they feel a certain member is “getting more attention than they should” – and they ban people left and right without cause or explanation; and delete comments they don’t agree with! When people ask “where did so-and-so’s comment go” they are told they are being “protected” and they reserve the right to edit or remove comments that might “dangerous to the membership.” It’s so bad that some of the moderators appear to have serious personality disorders or severe mental illnesses.
People have been banned for wondering “what they did wrong” when the major point of view of many of the moderators seem to believe it’s “all those rotten kids fault” and the “saintly parents” did NOTHING wrong!
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Members have asked why when they get a notice of a new post, and they click the link and go to the page, the post has disappeared! “I Give Up Now What”(Sue) stated it was because all posts had to be authorized by the admins, and any that were not in keeping with the PEACE site “rules and regulations” were deleted. This was done in order to “protect the membership from the trolls out there.”
Can you imagine? Treating grown up adults this way, as if everything they were to read, see or hear had to be controlled and “authorized” by this small core of severely disordered individuals, in order to “protect them.” They have created a climate of fear and they manipulate members into believing there is something to be afraid of, outside of the “safety” of their own website. And then calling anyone who posts anything they don’t like a “troll” and worse. And then the Secret Police come in the middle of the day or night; you never know when, and members are banned without rhyme or reason. They just “disappear.”
Hitler at his finest.
This group are the only trolls out there. In fact, they are now “trolling” my own webpage with posts you are reading now, leaving comments that I do NOT have to post. Nor will I ever. I don’t even have to read them I have learned, as I can keep blocking them no matter what ridiculous name or cover they come up with. LOL. Thank God for blocking and deleting. Two can play the same game.
Some of these admins must sit at their computer “protecting the membership” 24×7, only taking bathroom or kitchen breaks in between. Do they have nothing better to do with their lives? How much medication are some of them on? Are some on mental illness disability? It’s such a shame, but I don’t feel sorry for them at all since they spread their toxicity all over the place, and then say it’s to “protect the membership.” This is the worst kind of poison. The only “protection” that is needed is protection from THEM!
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One moderator who calls herself “I Give Up Now What” is particularly cruel, calling her ex-husband an “idiot” and her children (none of whom speak to her) the worst kinds of names. No wonder they don’t speak to her and she doesn’t seem to understand why!
Nor does she seem to care at all. Just as long as she can hold court all day and all night long, “guarding the membership” on the P.E.A.C.E. site. Another one is “No More Drama Mom” who does nothing BUT cause drama. It never ends over there. The founder is a groundskeeper / garbage man who “has everything under control” and is “keeping the members safe” from disagreement or different points of view. The moderators are not paid, but are volunteers with no professional standing, but seem to have nothing more to do but sit in front of the computer day and night “protecting the membership” and complaining about their “horrible children” that they sacrificed themselves for.
Moderators will also spend time putting down other members or neighbors or anyone at all that they don’t like or feel slighted by. Is this is their only outlet, typing away spewing their anger, disappointment and poison, hiding beneath a very thin veneer of “we’re all here to support you” hypocrisy? It’ sad and it’s sick but they can be very dangerous in a short period of time. It’s a virus you don’t want to be around.
Many of the other moderators are not much better and I and many other alienated parents have left, and some of us not soon enough. It’s a very sick and toxic site. Be forewarned, as for people who are already wounded and openly bleeding, being attacked by people like this is like being shell-shocked for a second time.
I’m sure there are better sites on Daily Strength and elsewhere for estranged parents, and if you find one that actually works and can help parents figure out what they can do (if anything) or at least how to not blame themselves or their adult children, and love them in spite of it all and still protect ourselves, please let us all know! I wait with open ears and an open heart.
I finally had to give up, in my own case, and accept the fact that for whatever reason (which I have never been told) our relationship has ended, apparently for good, and it only lasted as long as it did while I was still writing checks.
Once I asked God to lift the mantle of shame and blame from myself, I finally realized that I still have the right to feel the way I do. I have always loved my son and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. Even if I have to “love him from a distance.”
I pray every day that God will “heal these wounds” and “repair this relationship.” I wish my son well in all his endeavors, with me or without.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not sad much of the time when I think about him, wondering how he is and wondering why he still doesn’t speak to me, but at least I realize that I still love him and I can let myself feel this way and hold this love in my heart – and this has has kept me alive to this day.
I thank God every day for the grace to see me through, one day at a time. Let us know how you are getting along. It’s a hard road, but “acceptance” seems to be a key. And one day I hope that this closed door will open and we will be together again. In this world or the next.
Thanks to J.C. for the suggestions and links. JC, which Daily Strength are you on?
People should just be aware that Daily Strength does not moderate any of their groups. It’s really just there for advertising dollars.